'They say you are made out of a million bits and pieces
but i am still too heavy to swim above sea level'
we went flying with my dearest friends and it was amazing in every way. I have missed this feeling of never wanting to stop smiling in the moment and even though i was pale in the end, and my head dizzy, i was feeling great in every way and would pay everything to make me have this feeling again. sometimes all you need is this kind of moment to make you realize what you really are and how beautiful and talented the people around you are because everything matters and we shouldn't let slip every minute through because minutes are just as important as days and weeks.
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Free Verse Prose Poems
i can feel my fingers flow over us and never thought to have me stand whole hearted, everything to lose and only gaining the little feelings of guilt. tell me what you want to hear but how can i tell if the only thing it does is leave me in the dark, the with it’s tempting thoughts of honesty you could never digest. have i ever met myself i wonder, i have stopped trying and it’s hard to come back into place with us, and how far it has gone, that’s how far it will go.
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you didn’t follow me today. I felt you loosing me and it was ok, i was here and when I was holding my head I was able to feel a pulse again.
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When I saw what has been behind and when turning in has become so wrong I realized that we have gone too far. You said we would be there, you said we would go through and I believed you, I believed you so much it teared me apart when I saw that we have lied to keep each other alive. I’m on the edge of letting go of the last thread. We were so much more and you knew that we have these things in mind for the latest moments.
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you’re like the universe, something i have tried to make sense of but i have given up on the way because it would give up on me, give up on everything and then come back without the sign of regret while you bleed it all over us. i have found myself between the pages but only caught a glance of it before i sunk again and in that moment i understood, i saw that the only way is to keep running out of lead and thoughts to put into the white and black lines and that all the falling stars have been your thoughts that you’ve put on us to carry because we are like the paper that has always been there.
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feel forward, don’t get touched by your own skin while everything is over you. how do you get out of the only thing that protects you with a quivering stitch and makes you feel while your slow heart has stopped trying to win the race it had with the heavy limbs and crooked bones that kept you walking with thin layers of mind and thinner senses to feel the rest of you. it’s moving on and you’re still not ready to move an inch from the spot i’ve last seated you. you’re stubborn in your whole flesh that has pulled me back and only let me stay on tip toe with the clicking clocks that start to build up in your appearance. my secrets have become the things i need to tell myself and i’ve lost count because my ears are being overplayed with the glare you give me and the many chains you’ve put on my feet to keep me here while my screaming has become a whisper with the tears that i made running down your face.
~
That day I felt my heart beat in a pace of emptiness and I was feeling it in steps apart from me, somewhere unknown and I didn’t understand why it has gone that way. Everything was crying, I felt it dripping down my body and there I understood that I have been in here for too long to get out by myself, it was so flimsy and a wrong move and I would collapse. I’m pacing forward with care and even though I would close my eyes while walking, I would move somewhere with direction wrong but still the intent and hope of being close to sea level I could stand in and would feel the water going low as I go the right way, no need for eyes but the touch of something so dear that is there to guide but disappear again.
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Elephant (personal Movie Review)
[Image]I watched the movie Elephant tonight. I have to say that i didn't expect any of it when i was watching it. I saw the movie on my teacher desk but he couldn't borrow it to me because he was about to give it away. So i decided to watch it online tonight.
It's a movie that came out 2003, but it looks rather old. The sound and quality of the picture and the way they filmed it is not the most entertaining but makes the whole picture so much more interesting and actually makes you wonder and you just wait for the next angle of the camera to happen because the camera will follow people on their way of what they're doing and how they do it for a long time before deciding to finally change the angle and have a story of a completely new person. At first you will start with the Character John and then change to many different one, always introduced with a shot of their name at some point of their story and then have things happen at different times and experience the same thing with a different character. The whole story takes place in a high school and at the characters homes. Most of the time i had no idea what the movie was even about or where it will go. It all seemed so random but so in place, like everything is supposed to happen in order for the ending to completely makes sense. But then when you think that the movie is just an ordinary high school thing and that they just have a complete set of the different people and how they all experience it, then it turns into a completely new thing and you actually start to understand where this all leads to. At that point it started to disturb me some ways, or maybe i was just shocked and sad how all the different characters will live their lives and how the act of the two 'main characters' will not change the way they just simply exist. this will not really make any sense unless you know the ending but i know that knowing the ending before watching will just ruin it so don't mind me not telling you. Find out for yourself because i completely recommend it. I'll just say that the whole plot is mostly shocking because you will just never expect any of this to happen, especially if you believe that everybody's life is actually perfect and people just want attention. if you have experience with some of the characters stories then you will expect some of it, but there were points where i was thrown off. i love the way it ends, even though it might sound bad because it's not a happy ending. It's really not. But it's just an really interesting movie and i learnt quite some lessons from it, but i'm sure everyone will get their own things out of it. It says a lot about our society and how every little influences can have such an great impact. Don't believe that just because something doesn't effect you personally, that the same thing doesn't have any influence on others. it's not true, it never will be because we don't share the same feelings and thoughts. It's just so true and honest and i think that just always has a great impact on me.
Go watch it, it's great and i recommend
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Like Cat and Dog
A beautiful tree standing in the entrance of the waiting place that i have been ordered to attend at 3:00pm. The air is fresh and cool, the last greeting from winter before it decided to linger in some other place far away from here. My eyes are tired from the restless nights that i have spend at my desk with hope of it to dissolve maybe, or just being split into wood for a warm fire that i have wished to use for my freezing hands over the papers that have to be done. Oh, what am i complaining, i'm here and finished my work on time, next to this tree without leaves but endless little sticks pointing at ever thing in this world before they can be covered again by the green of Spring and Summer and multicolor of Autumn. This manager person that told me to be here is late. I don't wonder, really. Those people have a thing with time, everything they work for has value but if it's just about appreciating another thing than that and you can wait a long time. Sometime forever. A door shut and i looked up from my thoughts. “Oh hello! I'm sorry for being late, this office was just holding me up for so long. Sometimes you wish you wouldn't be a boss of something so you don't have a million people asking you absurd questions about how to sharpen their pencils. It's tiring, really. But now i'm here and we can talk about this little think you wanted to show me. What is it about?”I am in wonder. I didn't want to but he doesn't really give me choice. He is the tiniest person i have ever seen. And so round as well, which adds a lot to the reason why he might have been really late. “Hello sir. Nice to meet you, and yes indeed i have something to show you. It's a project me and my friend worked on over the winter. It's something to prevent the future from technology and to--” “Wait young man, repeat that? Prevent the future from technology? But that's really absurd! No one on earth with some kind of intelligence would even think of preventing such a thing. It's the ultimate thing to survive for us, and maybe it will even teach these idiot in my office how to use a sharpener, eventually.” “no, i think you misunderstood me. We want to prevent technology from spreading so that we can save ourselves. Have you never realized how we as humans have developed after this? We became mindless and lazy, dependent and stupid.” “You're talking nonsense! Oh why have i come here?! I got told someone wants to meet with us because they had a new idea of how to change things to the better, but that! No, no it's not acceptable. I can't let this go through with developing. I'm sorry sir, but you understood me wrong. I have to leave now, we are not interesting in your new.. something. Have a nice day!”So he turned on his heels and walked to his car that has been waiting in the parking lot about 4 meters away from the place that I'm standing. A scream of the engine and a furious man returning to his rightful place. This is not really how i intended to have my work appreciated. But being honest with myself, i could have expected that and spared myself with preparing a shitload of paper for him to read. Still standing next to this tree, i searched my pockets for a cigarette. The zipper was stuck with a piece of cloth and it prevented me from putting my whole hand into it to get to the ground of my pocket so that i could actually reach the last cigarette before i was about to quit. I have tried often, too often when i think about it but i have read somewhere that with constant trying you could actually succeed. Might have been obesity though. Should have told him that before he left.Eventually i pressed the cigarette between my two fingers that i was able to put into and pulled it out with care. Having done that i grabbed my lightener from my other pocket where the zipper was working and lit it up. The fire left after some flickering and left me with the smoke of the possible last one i'll have.I sat down on this stone wall that is protecting this lifeless tree. Could we have been wrong about it? Was this ball of manager right? No, i don't actually think that but that's what you're suppose to think after a failure. I moved my hand to the nice and smooth dirt of the tree and drew pictures in it. A bird, a dog, and a cat. I've never really like dogs actually, but they just seem like such a thing that you draw into dirt with birds and cats. Getting angry at the picture i put my cigarette in it. I regretted that though as i have forgotten that this was the last one that i've had on me.Ticked off, i got up, said a prayer for this tree and went off to the store to buy another pack. The store was just across the street, which made this easier and i just ran and was there in no time. Getting in i have a weird feeling. Not really bad, more like something is haunting me. I can be very intense if i want to, but that one feels more real. Going to the cashier with a pack of smokes, i keep looking behind me to check for something unusual.“something bothering you sir?”“no”“14.50$ please”Giving him the money and with a glare from the man exchanging it with the smokes i turn and walk out of the store.Almost running, i fell over something. With a curse in my mouth i got up and turned to see what i have been falling over. A dog, staring with its brown eyes into mine, standing there as if it has been waiting for me to run around the corner.A coincidence i tell myself, i spit in front of the dogs feet and turn around again to keep walking home from this horrific last 40 minutes.
