we spend time in the exchange district, lifting balloons and didn't let the snow stop us

Beginning of a new year

there is a war inside of me this january

2012

January:

this is the month I came back to Canada. On Janurary 3^rd I got the approval. It felt like my heart has never felt this joyful before and the days were running down until the 25^th, the arrival back home. 

But when my heart hit home, something went wrong. 

I had never wanted any of this. 

February: 

Winter was like an old friend that greeted me, and the foggy nights will not be forgotten. I wasn’t in the right place, I had questions and regrets without answers and I slowly sunk between where I have never gotten.

March: 

I got numb to the feelings that I couldn't control without destroying my last bit of faith in myself.

April: 

I decided to reach out and that was what kept me above see level, I couldn't drown, not yet. I met Jj in the dawn of an early summer night and moments like these are what kept me sane

May:

I got caught before hitting rock bottom. On May 6^th 2012, I decided to be reborn. This month was where I couldn’t find myself anymore, blood was spread and walls hit and Church was what kept me going, what showed me Jesus and I am so, so thankful for my home church, for teaching me what I needed to hear that no one ever explained to me.

June:

June was a lot of learning and how to understand the spirit that lived in me, that made me look up again and ahead of what is in front of me. I met Darion, one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. He showed me new and exciting things and how to understand the things I couldn’t ask for. My heart had a process in front of it that I could have never started without help. I was weak.

On June 30^th 2012, I decided to go to the red thread, something that turned my life around.
I met an amazing group of friend that have been changing my life, people I have prayed for. Never have I had this kind of relationship with community. My heart was changing.

July:

everything is a never ending learning process. I couldn’t look forward without forgetting the past. I spend a lot of time downtown and biking. I felt lost and confused, no matter how high I would try to jump, I couldn’t get high enough. God showed me himself and I couldn’t get enough. I was young, craving the new.

August:

 Little struggles always come and crawl around the corner. I met more and more people around me. These are the moment where my heart is being tested and stretched even more. We went to festivals and concerts and experienced the city more than before.

September:

 I met an old friend again and experienced love in the wrong way, looking around I was searching for excuses and refused to face myself.
This autumn was beautiful. 

October:

We were looking further in community and our group that has been created in our lives. I was getting lost in something called busyness and still don’t know how to get out of it without leaving my heart stranded. We became comfortable and friends became family.

November:

Brittany moved in. winter stepped in and I felt myself growing fonder to the flakes flowing down on my coat and nothing made me happier, I love the winter and its fresh snow. Work was getting to be in a way that shouldn't have happened. It’s a struggle to walk sometimes.


December:

a month has never gone so fast before. I spend Christmas with another family and felt loved . our work family helped families in need and brought us all closer to each other, and my heart was able to make decision that my mind needed to hear.
I would like to spend more time reading the word and spending time with God.
Art has been on my heart, I need to learn to spend my time wisely.
I don’t want to speak lies into my life anymore.

God is good.